A song based on the book "I Suck At Girls" by Justin Halpern
lyrics
I met this woman, she's kind of nice
I go to my father for some advice
I said I think that this girl is it
And wait for my dad to say some stuff
He looked at me and said if you want a wife
Just take a day to think about your life
Cause son you may be very bright
But boy your sphincter's much too tight
I took his words to heart
And I began to see
That I've sucked at courage since I've been born
I sucked at stealing hobo porn
But I was awesome at virginity
And I sucked at dancing and getting drunk
And in the bedroom I think I flunked
It's time to look into my past and see
The one thing I learned from this big bad world
I suck at girls
Life didn't go how I thought it would
I never treated girls the way I should
I think about Carry and I get all red
She didn't want a dog pooping on her head
Dumped by Vanessa, shot down by Nicole
Years of rejection took a mighty toll
And Sara I'm sorry I was such a wreck
But what we did barely qualified as sex
But like a few good men, I couldn't handle you
That I've sucked at courage since I've been born
I sucked at stealing hobo porn
But I was awesome at virginity
And I sucked at dancing and getting drunk
And in the bedroom I think I flunked
It's time to look into my past and see
The one thing I learned from this big bad world
I suck at girls
And in the end things were getting bad
I had to move in with my dad
About the man, well, what can I say
He's like William Shatner, but without the toupee
But he's got a very filthy mouth
But out of the blue I met this girl
Before I knew it she changed my world
And I was certain I had to keep her
When she took the blame for my explosive diarrhea
Things weren't perfect, that's how it goes
We worked through our problems and took off our clothes
Now when we're in bed and I get with her
She shows me a different kind of Twitter
And when things get bad
I just have to keep in mind
Times have changes since I've born
I've buried all that hobo porn
And I have long forgotten Virginity
Don't need to dance or get real drunk
And in the bed I no longer flunk
Things are different and now I must decree
That single ladies you've lost your chance cause now you see
Girls suck at me
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