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I Suck At Girls

from Bushwick Book Club Songs by Mark Blasco

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A song based on the book "I Suck At Girls" by Justin Halpern

lyrics

I met this woman, she's kind of nice
I go to my father for some advice
I said I think that this girl is it
And wait for my dad to say some stuff

He looked at me and said if you want a wife
Just take a day to think about your life
Cause son you may be very bright
But boy your sphincter's much too tight

I took his words to heart
And I began to see

That I've sucked at courage since I've been born
I sucked at stealing hobo porn
But I was awesome at virginity
And I sucked at dancing and getting drunk
And in the bedroom I think I flunked
It's time to look into my past and see
The one thing I learned from this big bad world
I suck at girls

Life didn't go how I thought it would
I never treated girls the way I should
I think about Carry and I get all red
She didn't want a dog pooping on her head

Dumped by Vanessa, shot down by Nicole
Years of rejection took a mighty toll
And Sara I'm sorry I was such a wreck
But what we did barely qualified as sex
But like a few good men, I couldn't handle you

That I've sucked at courage since I've been born
I sucked at stealing hobo porn
But I was awesome at virginity
And I sucked at dancing and getting drunk
And in the bedroom I think I flunked
It's time to look into my past and see
The one thing I learned from this big bad world
I suck at girls

And in the end things were getting bad
I had to move in with my dad
About the man, well, what can I say
He's like William Shatner, but without the toupee
But he's got a very filthy mouth

But out of the blue I met this girl
Before I knew it she changed my world
And I was certain I had to keep her
When she took the blame for my explosive diarrhea

Things weren't perfect, that's how it goes
We worked through our problems and took off our clothes
Now when we're in bed and I get with her
She shows me a different kind of Twitter

And when things get bad
I just have to keep in mind

Times have changes since I've born
I've buried all that hobo porn
And I have long forgotten Virginity
Don't need to dance or get real drunk
And in the bed I no longer flunk
Things are different and now I must decree
That single ladies you've lost your chance cause now you see
Girls suck at me

credits

from Bushwick Book Club Songs, track released July 15, 2012

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Mark Blasco Brier, Washington

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